This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
