Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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