Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
