So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
