In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
