Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
