If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
