this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
