you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
