So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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