and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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