i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
