I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just found puke in my bra..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
