obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
