Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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