I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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