The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
God I need to hump something, right now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
