Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
