the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
