Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
