She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
