His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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