U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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