Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
