I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
