I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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