Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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