I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize