Please, let me fuck your mom
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
