you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
