I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
