people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
