can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
