Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
