Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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