You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
