I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
