you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize