just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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