Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
