Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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