were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
