So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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