Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
