OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
