Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
