like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
only you would photoshop your dick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
