There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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