i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You took a bar mat shot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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