By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
