Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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