break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
