I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
