Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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