it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
