i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
