And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
No subtext here. People are naked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
