I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
