Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
