I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You don't make any sense
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