I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
