I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
