At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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