operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize